If you’re reading this, thanks already.

This change of season tends to bring out a different side of me. ⁣

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A heavier-breathing side of me,⁣

A tightness-in-my-chest side of me,⁣

A teary-eyed side of me,⁣

An emotional and softer spoken side of me,⁣

A reflective and memory-stricken side of me. ⁣

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The environmental cues and crispness of this air sends skepticism into my soul. I feel it in my body. I feel it in my energy, and sometimes, I just feel it so vividly it’s like it never left at all. ⁣

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3 years ago my husband and I lost our second baby- the next day- our new vehicle was smashed to pieces- that weekend: My step-dad was unexpectedly placed on life support where he spent 16 days in the ICU before he took his last breath. These memories tend to flood me with a tsunami of grief when the weather changes and the end of October nears. ⁣

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This time of year, it just brings it all back. ⁣

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This time of year serves as both a reminder of what-was but also what-now-is: and for that, I am so incredibly grateful. ⁣

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3 years ago I could never imagine that Iife would feel this good again.⁣

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I have the most incredible child.. soon to be children, a wonderful husband who I love unconditionally through it all, a family who became bonded by our losses and a new truck parked in front of the house. ⁣

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Grief and gratitude are no longer opposing forces this October as they are now showing up together. ⁣